Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage even though their contribution could be unbalanced. As we have seen, marriage without either money or love would come to an unhappy ending.
So I believe that they both have their own contribution to a merry family. Grammatical Range and Accuracy Analysis: Although the essay is quite easy to follow, it has too many grammatical errors in too many sentences to merit a 7 score see corrections highlighted above.
The range of grammatical constructions used seems quite good. Approximate score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: The same essay now at around a Band 7 level might look something like this. Read it carefully and compare it with the original:. Certainly, money plays an important part in our lives.
It is hard for any persons to accept a partner who does not have money or at least a job to take care of their future family. However, love should be the root of any marriage. Firstly, it is because love is such a strong bond between two persons who have their own lives, and become one.
Moreover, love makes people grow up because they do not only have responsibility to themselves, but also to their partners as well. That is why marrying for love is always encouraged. In my opinion, I think that love and money are both necessary. A marriage relying on money would rapidly disintegrate when unfortunately the money ran out. In contrary, a marriage relying on love would sometimes come to end when they could not earn money to carry out family duties such as paying bills, buying food, etc.
As we have seen, marriage without either money or love would come to an unhappy end. So I believe that they both make their own contribution to a merry family.
To turn the Band 7 sample essay into a Band 8 one would require further improvement in range and accuracy of grammar, greater clarity and better connection of ideas, and a wider range of appropriate, higher level vocabulary.
So the same sample essay now at around a Band 8 level might look something like this. Once again, read it carefully and compare it with the original:. Clearly, love should be the foundation of any marriage. This is because firstly, love is such a strong bond between two persons, who have their own lives, yet become one.
Moreover, love fosters maturity because each member of a couple no longer has responsibility only for themselves, but also for their partner.
These are just two, key reasons why marrying for love should always be encouraged. In my opinion, love and money are equally necessary. A marriage relying solely on money might rapidly disintegrate in the unfortunate event of the money running out.
Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage, even though their contribution might often be somewhat unequal. To summarise, marriage without either money or love could come to an unfortunate end. For that reason, I would claim that they both make their own, vital contribution to the creation of a happy family.
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The middle paragraphs of the essay are collectively known as the body paragraphs and, as alluded to above, the main purpose of a body paragraph is to spell out in detail the examples that support your thesis. For the first body paragraph you should use your strongest argument or most significant example unless some other more obvious beginning point as in the case of chronological explanations is required. The first sentence of this paragraph should be the topic sentence of the paragraph that directly relates to the examples listed in the mini-outline of introductory paragraph.
A one sentence body paragraph that simply cites the example of "George Washington" or "LeBron James" is not enough, however. No, following this an effective essay will follow up on this topic sentence by explaining to the reader, in detail, who or what an example is and, more importantly, why that example is relevant.
Even the most famous examples need context. The reader needs to know this and it is your job as the writer to paint the appropriate picture for them. To do this, it is a good idea to provide the reader with five or six relevant facts about the life in general or event in particular you believe most clearly illustrates your point.
Having done that, you then need to explain exactly why this example proves your thesis. The importance of this step cannot be understated although it clearly can be underlined ; this is, after all, the whole reason you are providing the example in the first place.
Seal the deal by directly stating why this example is relevant. The first sentence — the topic sentence - of your body paragraphs needs to have a lot individual pieces to be truly effective.
Not only should it open with a transition that signals the change from one idea to the next but also it should ideally also have a common thread which ties all of the body paragraphs together.
For example, if you used "first" in the first body paragraph then you should used "secondly" in the second or "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" accordingly.
Examples should be relevant to the thesis and so should the explanatory details you provide for them. It can be hard to summarize the full richness of a given example in just a few lines so make them count. If you are trying to explain why George Washington is a great example of a strong leader, for instance, his childhood adventure with the cherry tree though interesting in another essay should probably be skipped over.
You may have noticed that, though the above paragraph aligns pretty closely with the provided outline, there is one large exception: These words are example of a transitional phrase — others include "furthermore," "moreover," but also "by contrast" and "on the other hand" — and are the hallmark of good writing. Transitional phrases are useful for showing the reader where one section ends and another begins.
It may be helpful to see them as the written equivalent of the kinds of spoken cues used in formal speeches that signal the end of one set of ideas and the beginning of another. In essence, they lead the reader from one section of the paragraph of another. Hopefully this example not only provides another example of an effective body paragraph but also illustrates how transitional phrases can be used to distinguish between them.
Although the conclusion paragraph comes at the end of your essay it should not be seen as an afterthought.
As the final paragraph is represents your last chance to make your case and, as such, should follow an extremely rigid format. One way to think of the conclusion is, paradoxically, as a second introduction because it does in fact contain many of the same features.
It can be tough to practice your essay-writing skills on your own without a teacher's feedback. With some time and practice (and by using this game.
As you review your practice essay in order to evaluate it, you should _____ 1. Fundamental essay building blocks include _____. 2. It's a good idea to understand your weaknesses when it comes to writing because _____.
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